midnight rant

I realize it hasn't been that long since my last post...bnt here it is 12:30 in the morning and I'm finding it difficult to get to sleep. Granted, it is my day off, and I'm allowed to stay up late (though, even if it was the middle of the week, I'd still be able to stay up late since I don't go into work until 2PM.) However, there is so much on my mind right now.

Today (Wed 3/5/14) I went down to get a dentist appointment with the only dentist that I trust so that I may get that required check-up that all the TTC books/websites etc say that it's best to get before getting pregnant. This appointment is set for May which granted, is a ways out...but I can only do it on certain days, and I am honestly picky about who gets to mess with my teeth.

It seems that the closer I get to time I'm expecting my AF, the more nervous I am getting. Partly because I hope I am pregnant, and partly because I kinda hope I'm not at the moment; as I don't yet have the medical OK to actually be pregnant.

The bad thing about being in my shoes is that my cycle can be anywhere from 29-36 days. It's never really the same, though it usually ranges closer to one end or the other. I had told myself I'd wait till CD 40 to take a PG test, but of course, my curiosity got the best of me today when I just had to check. And of course, I think it came out negative, though it almost seemed as if there were the faintest pink line.

Thursday (3/6/14) I'm expecting a package with my OPKs and PG tests. It'll be hard to keep my hands off of them, but I'll do my best. I know I won't waste the OPKs...but I almost have an obsession with taking PG tests. Granted, buying cheap ones is easy enough, I just have to go down to the local dollar store, and get 10-20 of them for $10-20.00.

I bought myself an E-book "What To Expect Before You're Expecting" I hope this book can shed a little light on what I can do to make this journey to finally becoming a mom. I'm still getting used to my E-reader as I've only had it a month now, and I had sampled this book before buying it. Then I couldn't figure out why it was that I was skipping over so many pages...then I realized I needed to clean up my E-reader and sync it so that it reflected the most accurate stuff. I realize I've gone off topic, and I'm bound to do that from time to time. Just as I'm bound to write a bunch of blogs right now about my journey, but maybe a month down the road I won't be so eager to write anymore...once all of my anxieties are down, and some time has passed allowing me to set my mind on other things.

It is now 1:24 AM and I'm still wide awake, though I am starting to get a little tired. The irony is that I'll probably be up early again tomorrow morning, not because I will it, but because I generally tend to go to bed late, and wake up early on my days off, whereas on work days I go to bed earlier and sleep in later....I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all..it's as though I want to enjoy more of my time off, and I want to be well rested during my work week...but I guess put that way, it makes perfect sense.